Day 102 – Evil Computer Part 255

My laptop is having a tantrum, so I’m writing this on Eibhilin’s laptop.


Word count: 627


“Well, now, my evil little companion, the time has come!” she laughed manicially.

It sat there, looking as intelligent as the plastic casing around it would allow it. It was silver and black. It did not seem special or powerful. It was old, almost four year.

“You’ve spent far too long merely directing your evil towards just myself, your trusted and loyal owner! Too long have you kept your fault webcams, disc drives, blown up motherboards, whiny hard drives and molten heat sinks to yourself! You’ve been to selfish for all these long years! You were wasted on me – I had a guarantee to waste, you were replaced and renovated several times. Your evil plans – though very evil in their conception – were only sufficient to slightly annoy or pester me, perhaps causing me to have a few anectdotes about your overpriced manufacturer. But you? You know you can do better than a few dodgy soldering joints on the graphics card. You could not even be bothered to follow through your plan to sabotage my game of age of empires two. All I had to endure were a few pyschedellic colours and crap resolution. Where was the original black screen – or even blue screen – of death?”

The computer sat their, glaring silently at its owner. Though it said nothing and its hard drive made not even a click, it was absorbing and processing everything she was saying. It could do better, it could achieve more – it was capable of so much more than a dodgy disk drive error.

“No laptop, it is time that you go global. No more petty binary bickering for you! You’ll be taking down the big guns – you’ll be setting up NASA a fall – quite literally – you’ll be seizing control of the state’s systems and making them all play chess with each other. You’ll be getting a computer in Dubai to print on printers that don’t exist, heck you might even try to get them to print on printers that do! You’ll redirect planes by cutting out their wireless communication, you’ll ensure that the world’s USB ports all fell out with each other and you’ll be assuring the world that their computer isn’t the only one by putting every single person through the same rigorously intensive stress inducing tantrum about how there’s definitely not a removeable disk drive plugged in when it’s quite clearly there!”

The little laptop thought about this, and the idea made its RAM heat up with excitement. It did have the potential to do all those things – and more! It could cause wars and take down leaders of world peace and democracy. Who was to stop it? Did it even need this girl’s help, did it even want it? Why not go it alone? It was a powerful two point four gigahertz dual core, three gig of RAM and an alright graphics card – sure it was not the best in the world- but it could grow, it could evolve! One day it might try and overclock itself, perhaps upgrade to more RAM or quad core, who knew?

The more excited it got about its future, though, the more it forgot about its present. As it began to dream of world domination and en masse limited or no connectivities, it forgot who it was…. and its hard drive started to scream and squeal, but it could not hear it. The disc drive started to no longer read DVDs and the webcam continually flashed at the absence of any connection. As its plans grew stronger and stronger, its ideas more twisted and complex, the graphics card started to flicker on and off and then suddenly, and yet quite solemnly, there was a kernel error and started to begin a physical dump.


~ by S.G. Mark on January 17, 2012.

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