Day 113 – Coffee Morning Detectives

Inspired in part by an experience Jess’ mum told me about today!


Word count: 1074


“Pass us the flask,” Denise asked Lynn, who was sitting in the driver’s seat.

They were parked by some hotel, windscreen fogged up with condensation and blankets round their arms. They had been there for hours, waiting and watching.

It was a quiet Tuesday morning. Most of the small Yorkshire town was at work, but Denise and Lynn were not sitting in a frozen Ford Mondeo for the fun of it: they were on a mission. All morning they had taken notes of passersby, colours of arriving and registration plates of departing cars. From their position in the car park, they had a full view of most of the rooms of the hotel. It was only a little Holiday Inn branch, the kind that businessmen would frequent for overnight stays on a tight budget.

“How much longer are we going to have to sit here?” Lynn complained, sitting forward and leaning against the steering wheel. “We’ve been here for hours, and we still haven’t seen him!”

Denise peered out the side window and scanned her six through the rear-view mirror, “He’ll be here… besides we promised Pamela.”

“I know, I know…”

“And she would do exactly the same for us.”

“Would she?”

Denise returned Lynn a tutting look.

“Just a few more hours, then? I have to pick the kids up from school.”

“Okay, but I’ve arranged for Mike to pick them up so I can cover you if I have to.”

A few moments of calm was followed promptly by Denise ferreting in the glove compartment for the sandwiches they’d made that morning.

“Oi, look at you skiving on the job!”

Denise grinned and threw her a soggy egg sandwich.

“God I’m starving!”

“I know.. considering we’ve been sitting on our bums the entire day!”

“Oh Denise, isn’t that what we normally do, anyway?” Lynn giggled.

“Quick, someone’s coming!”

The girls sunk lower in their seats, Lynn still chewing on a bit of egg.

“Is it him?”

“I think so – I can’t tell for sure…”

“It’s definitely the same hair cut?”

From the tiniest of angles, they were able to watch a smartly dressed man stroll across the car park towards a tree on the other side. He waited there with his back turned against them, seemingly making a phone call as he had his hand to his ear.

“We need to get out… Lynn, grab the camera!”

Denise opened the car door as inaudibly as she could, widening it just enough for her thighs to squeeze through one at a time. On the driver’s side, Lynn was doing just the same, camera around her neck. If he’d turned around now, he would only be met by a wall of confusion as the vision of his wife’s best friends squatting in awkward positions by their car and staring at him heatedly. Denise was praying that this was not going to happen.

“Denise!” Lynn was breathing quiet fast.

“What’s up, are you okay?” Denise whispered back to her.

“I’ve… I’ve split the back of my arse on my jeans!” Lynn was breathily hysterical and Denise was succumbing to its contagion.

“Oh my god, you haven’t?!” but she could imagine Lynn falling over in laughter.

“C’mon, round the back!”

They both crept round to the back of the car for cover.

Lynn was red in the face.

“How bad is it?”

Lynn felt around, “I’m not sure!”

“Turn over, let me see,” Denise stifled a giggle, “Oh dear..”

“It’s bad… isn’t it?”

“Slightly… but we have to cast aside our… wardrobe disasters… and follow that bastard!”

They both stuck their heads out of either side of the car. Richard was still there, still facing away from them. Denise spotted a hedgerow along the left hand side of the car park that was sure to give them plenty of cover whilst they get nearer.


Lynn’s face appeared on her shoulder, eyes narrowed like a hawk looking for prey.

“That hedge?”

“Yes, I was thinking we could make a quick dash for it….”

“Count of three?”


The girls primed their middle aged hips for the run.


They flexed their ankles to siphon out the weak cartilage.


They paused to intake breath…


With great strides the hurried forwards, backs bent forward, arms preparing them for any eventual fall, heads tilted to the side to make sure Richard was not looking. The ten metre stretch was like a mile in a marathon. When they finally reached there, they realised that this was not the end. As they dove behind cover and caught their breath, they turned and crawled along the pavement, keeping an ear out for anyone who may be walking by.

“I think I’m going to wet myself!” Lynn cried from behind Denise.

“I’ve got in the Tena, just in case!”

They reached the end of the hedgerow and were now only about two metres away from Richard, who had now finished his conversation on the phone and had turned to face the direction where they had just come from.

“What do we do now? Lynn said, raising her head just above the hedge.

“He’s obviously waiting for someone…. so I guess so do we…”

Lynn sat back down on the pavement but it was not long before they could hear the sound of a car pulling up. Through the twigs, they watched as a red car stopped beside him and a girl with lovely legs and black heels got out and hugged him amorously.

“Lying cheating bastard,” Lynn whispered, raising her camera just above the twig line to try and take a picture.

“Have you checked flash?”

“Shit!” but her finger clicked the shutter anyway and sent a huge ray of blinding light towards the two lovers. By the sounds of their perplexed swearing they had realised what had happened.

“What do we do? Lynn was panicking.

They had seconds to decide before Richard and the slut would realise their location and catch them.

Denise looked around and saw a small alleyway leading off round the back of the hotel.

“There – run like hell!”

Lower legs cramping, stitches raging and back pains galore, they jumped to their feet and hobbled down the alleyway, covering their faces and praying that they wouldn’t be seen that clearly.

“Hey! You perves! Stay away from us!” Richard shouted at them as the collapsed round the corner into a fit of giggles and asthmatic inducing hysteria.

~ by S.G. Mark on January 28, 2012.

One Response to “Day 113 – Coffee Morning Detectives”

  1. Hahahahaha Yeah it’s good

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: