Day 152 – Cut Flowers – Part 2

Hmm. Bit meh? You’ll have need to have read the first and second part of this to make sense of it.

Word count: 876

“How are you feeling?” Audrey asked as they sat in the car park just outside the family planning clinic.
“Weird,” Emily said simply, staring out at the perpendicular road.
Cars were passing intermittently. It was not busy for a Wednesday brunch time. The day was bright but with a light cloud, but everything was a grey for Emily.
“You’ll be all right in a few days, sweetie,” Audrey put her hand on her daughter’s hands.
Emily brushed them away, “What have I done?”
The procedure… it had been horrible. Emily had felt sick before and during it.
“The right thing,” Audrey responded firmly, withdrawing her own hand.
“I feel… I feel…” Emily could not find the words.
“I know, I know. But time heals everything.”
Emily turned to look to her far right. She couldn’t bear to meet eye contact with her mum right now.
“Can you just drive me home, please? Dan said he might be home for lunch.”
“Okay, sweetie.”
The drive home was horrible. Emily kept swallowing back her tears; her throat was seizing up and it was as if she would just crumble if she were to open her mouth even a few millimeters. She knew her mum was watching her every move from the corner of her eye and could not wait to get home so she could be by herself for a few minutes before Dan arrived. The journey home was long. The clinic was the other side of town from where she lived.
“Don’t come in,” Emily instructed her mum as they pulled into the driveway. “I just want to be alone right now.”
Audrey looked concerned by powerless, “Call me if you need me.”
Emily got out of the car and waved her mum goodbye, not entering the house until she was sure that she had driven away.
The house was empty. Stone cold empty. Every day it was like this; but today it was just that tiny bit quieter. Emily ran to the kitchen and poured herself a class of water. Her mouth was running dry the harder she fought her feelings. She drank the entire glass at once and gasped for air. Somehow opening her mouth felt oddly liberating.
The kitchen was a mess. All the mugs and plates from breakfast this morning was here; her toast and butter had hardened to a mix more akin to cement and concrete. Dan would not be pleased; Emily always made sure this place was clean. She would need to scrub: scrub everything.
Emily lined up, in height order, the disinfectants, sprays, gels, bleach, oven cleaner, cloths, sponges and floor cleaner on the table. She snapped on her rubber gloves. Working at twice her normal speed, she cleaned the sink, mopped the floors, purged the fridge and made the table shine. In twenty minutes she had transformed the kitchen as if she were its fairy godmother.
Keys at the front door. Dan was back. For twenty minutes Emily had forgotten: it was bliss. Now it was like on-coming train and she was trapped on the tracks.
“Hey!” Dan walked in, big smile on his face. “Well this is shiny!”
Emily just stood there, wordless.
“Rubber gloves too, sexy!”
Emily shoved her hands out of sight behind her back, “What do you want to eat?”
Dan threw his phone and keys down on the side cabinet and loosened his tie a bit.
“Oh I didn’t come home for food…” His eyes were dangerously amorous as he moved behind her and encompassed his arms around her waistline.
It was uncomfortable. Emily stank of bleach and disinfectant; she was slightly sweaty from all the scrubbing and the thought of being with her husband after what she had done that morning made her physically ill inside.
He kissed her tenderly on the side of the neck.
Emily tried to gently brush it off, but it stung through her defences. His arms carressed her chest, but all she could think of was the clinic, the white rooms; the white walls; the white coated doctors and the white bedsheets. He turned her around and kissed her passionately on the lips.
He’ll know, he’ll find out, she kept thinking. What if half way through he realised that something was wrong, something was missing? What if something had changed down there or something wasn’t quite right? What if he could just tell, what if it was sixth sense for would-be-parents? Her breath quickened, but Dan mistook that for encouragement.
What if he did find out, what would I do, what would I say?
As he held her tighter, though, her thoughts changed. The more he kissed the more she found herself wondering, what if he could find out, what if he could find out and found herself strangely excited. He could find out at any moment; she could tell him now or later; he could find the old pregnancy test, may he already had. He could check her diary, he could go through her phone records; he could have followed her; he could find out…. and yet why was her heart racing with that chance, with that chance of losing him, that chance of being caught. It was exhilirating. It was as if they were lovers again.

~ by S.G. Mark on March 7, 2012.

2 Responses to “Day 152 – Cut Flowers – Part 2”

  1. Where`s the story then?

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