Day 182 – Forgotten

Word count: 623

It was as if he never cared for me. All those years that we had spent together were but less than nothing to him.
Dan and I had been together for what seemed like a lifetime. We did everything together. We were rarely apart and I thought I played such a pivotal role in his life. We were the best of friends. I would always be there for him – no matter when, no matter what. I never let him down and until recently, he never let me down.

I cannot describe to you the loss I feel like now. I have lost a limb. I have been severed from my still-beating heart and yearn for it. Will I ever get over him? I can’t say. How can one get over a broken heart, is it that easy? Can letting go really just happen at the drop of a hat? How come some were able to pick themselves from the floor as if they did not feel anything at all? Did no-one feel this much pain?

It was in the morning that I discovered he had just gone. There were no hints in the weeks leading up to it; nor even the night before. We had been in the pub until ten last night. We had a fantastic time – there were no worries or any niggling feelings that I had done anything wrong. In the morning, I realised I must have been quite mistaken.
Gone. No word of warning, no left letter: nothing. For hours I was left waiting for him to return, but something in the back of my mind was telling me that he simply wasn’t. I stared at the front door for hours and hours, waiting, watching… hoping. How I cried and prayed for his return.
Mightn’t he have gone to the shops – maybe he was returning with a present for me? Was I overreacting, being paranoid? I thought he loved me. I thought we were going to be together forever. I believed we would grow old and rusty together. He was the one. I thought I was his too.

The pain is still raw. I feel forgotten about as if I never mattered at all to him. I feel used and betrayed; cast aside as if I were a plaything that was no longer required. How could he possibly treat anyone the way he treated me? We went on holidays together. He took me out to fancy restaurants and we had the best times of our lives. Did that not mean anything to him? Did that not register on his happiness levels?

Was he ever happy? Did I make him sad? Did I push him away? All those questions churned in my head like a combine harvester chewing up all the wheat. There were no answers, of course. He was not there to give them. To know though, would that be worse? To realise that someone had grown so tired of your company that they very sneakily walked out early and left you? What had I done wrong, what could I have changed?

Even now, four days on, I wish I had been given the opportunity to change. Instead, I only have the lasting imprint on the horrifically wordless break up.

I am still hanging here, though. He might be back any second. His belongings are still here and sometimes I can sense him at the door. Maybe one day, far in the future, I’ll jump from this hook on the wall. Typical, he might return then, ready to walk all over me. Funny, though, I’ll always let him in. He is the key to my heart and I am his keys. That kind of bond can never be broken.

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~ by S.G. Mark on April 6, 2012.

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