Day 214 – Come Dine With Me

Word count: 551

Frank was in the kitchen, frantically frying his chicken and stirring up his sauce. His guests were chattering away in the dining room. The camera crews were all around, hovering like flies.

He had applied to the show on a whim; he never thought that he would ever be selected. Frank could not cook to save his life; his dishes were mainly differing shades of brown and always of a gooey consistence. It was the final day of filming. Everyone else had done their meals, and now it was his time to impress. Olivia de Bitch, as he secretly called her, had made something fancy with some posh ham and aubergines. Carlos the cross dresser had made no effort whatsoever and had made mashed tatties and stew. Jane, slightly more pleasant than Olivia, had made a lovely thai curry with all the side dishes.
For tonight, Frank had dug out his wife’s old recipes and had chosen his courses based on scruffy handwriting and missing ingredients. Still, the starter had gone down well. Olivia was flirting her way through dinner with Carlos, twenty years her junior. Jane was desperately trying to merge with the wallpaper, being overpowered by Olivia and Carlos’ antics.
Frank had had three very enjoyable previous evenings. They had had fun at Carlos’, with his pole in the living room for pole dancing. Jane started things off and was extremely bouncy and bubbly until she realised that Olivia was just the same. All hell was threatening to break loose every time they met in the same room. Frank half thought about putting out plastic cutlery just so that if they did want to stab each other, they wouldn’t get very far with it.

His main meal was done. He served it and went through to his guests.

“Voila!” he said, feigning a French accent.
It was only then that he had realised that he had walked into a battlefield. Olivia and Jane were standing up and leaning over the table at each other. Carlos was giggling. Neither of the girls seemed to notice that food had arrived.

“You think you’re such a little miss perfect, don’t you?” Olivia shouted.
“I rather think that’s you and your warped view of yourself. Look at you flirting with a twenty something cross dresser – you’re in your fifties woman!”
“Hey!” Carlos shouted.
“Sorry,” Jane slipped an apology to him.
Frank started laying plates awkwardly.
“Shall we take this outside, girl?”
“Why, can’t you take the heat in here?”
Frank and Carlos exchanged a look between each other and started to dig in. The camera crews were going nuts for the fights. The director was whispering instructions to his colleagues. It was weird the first time they ate with cameras watching them, but now it was strangely normal. Frank, personally, could not wait to hear the narrator’s comments on this fight.

A sharp slapping sound and Jane’s cheek was red. Everyone turned to look at Olivia and saw her hand slowly drop to her side, clearly in shock at what she had done on T.V.

“You bitch, look at what you did!” Jane launched herself over the table and went for Olivia, taking most of the table array of food, cutlery and crockery with her.

Frank looked at Carlos, “Should I get desert?”

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~ by S.G. Mark on May 8, 2012.

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