Day 234 – Folie à Deux – Part 10

Wish I had more time to write this – was really getting into it!

Word Count: 856

Doctors again. The prescription for her very first batch of anti-depressants. It was so weird. These were tablets she thought were only prescribed to suicidal people; those on the very edge of life that felt so bad that they could not possibly function without tablets. Here she was, seventeen years old, and getting a batch of thirty tablets to take once a day. It was a low dosage apparently, only ten milligrams. The doctor said that they would calm her down a bit, perhaps make her feel less exhausted. She had also been prescribed another dose of iron tablets. Apparently within the first few days of taking the anti-depressants, she would experience nausea, possible insomnia, possible more tiredness, headaches and lack of appetite. Catherine’s mind exploded with all those possibilities and even before she had picked them up from the pharmacy, was already beginning to feel all the possible side effects.

Swinging by the local pharmacist, she collected her prescriptions and thought she was being looked at strangely by the woman at the counter. Catherine was instantly saddened. She could not help being like this, she didn’t want to be pitied, looked at like that. On the short walk home, she felt continually worse about the situation. Nothing had worked yet. She was still falling asleep, yet was not really any more tired than usual. The dreams she was having were becoming more and more intense. Just last night she had visualised a room within that same grand old house that must have been the study. There was a huge desk and piles of paper, plants and a laptop. There was a window behind the desk that looked out on the garden. Every detail she had remembered from previous dreams were there. In the dream, she had even turned on the laptop, but before it had come up with the login screen, she had woken abruptly, panting and sweating at five in the morning. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to function. The frequency of the sleeps was not relenting and their duration was increasing all the time.

Catherine returned home and slumped into the sofa in the living room. Just as she was reaching for the remote, she realised that her dad was lurking in the armchair.

“Oh, didn’t see you there,” she said.

He was just staring back at her, concern clearly etched in the wrinkles in his forehead, “How was it?”

“I’m on anti-depressants for a month. Just to see how things go. I got another round of iron tablets too.”

“That’s good, that’s really good.”

Catherine could tell that her dad was trying his best to be apologetic. He was an absolutely amazing dad, but as a person he was not great at admitting fault or retracting anything he said. Usually when her parents argued and her mum had won, he would retreat into the garden or his car and go for a long drive to nowhere and back again. It was just how he was, Catherine would never resent him for that… but she did feel uncomfortable with him over the fact that he thought she was making the illness up. However, he was at least trying.

“Well not really,” she replied.

“No, but anything new could be the cure, right? What hasn’t been tried yet could be the thing that does it, right?” he sat forward, eagerly, in the chair.

“How come you aren’t at work?”

“I took the afternoon off, just so I could be here.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.”

Catherine wasn’t sure if she should continue to switch the television on, it kind of seem awkward now.

“I bought you something,” her dad continued, “A little present…”

He was definitely feeling guilty. In all the time Catherine had been old enough to remember the rows he had with her mum, he had never bought her a present as a token of forgiveness. He stood up and grabbed something that was neatly gift wrapped, with a ribbon attached, and gave it to her.

She took the present, all awkwardness vanished, and tore open the paper, revealing the latest album of her favourite band.

“Aw, dad thank you!” she said, launching into her arms to give him a hug, “ Thank you! I didn’t have enough cash to buy this when it first came out, and then all this started! So, so happy now!” she grinned and kissed him on the cheek, “Thank you.”

She bounced around the living room for a bit before saying, “I’m going to go upstairs and listen to it!”

Darting up the stairs, she entered the solitude of her bedroom and placed the CD in her music system. The first track of the album began to play. She had heard this one before on the internet and from other people, but it was so enthralling to listen to it by herself for the first time. She lay on her bed and closed her eyes. The album blended into her ears and soon a tiredness crept over her, melting her into another dream-state…. It was impossible to resist, even if she had wanted to.

~ by S.G. Mark on May 28, 2012.

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