Day 351 – Folie a Deux – Part 28

Word count: 729

It was bizarre. Exchanging messages with either another person or your own subconscious was absolutely bizarre. Cat was tempted to just check herself into a clinic and get a lobotomy. Christmas and New Year had been terrible. She had been distracted the entire time, constantly looking for little notes left for her. When she had received one in hours, she would panic and act horrible towards her family, as if it were their fault. Her parents, of course, new nothing of any of this for she had explained that she was slowly getting better.

Vicky was being her usual self which did not help matters. Now that they were both at university, there was even less chance of each other talking. In fact, Cat had only spoken to her once since she had left for uni over five months and that was only when she was unable to get through to her parents for an entire evening. Christmas day went smoothly regardless as Vicky was too obsessed with herself and her own life to worry about wanting or needing to talk to Cat. Her parents were so busy making preparations and visiting nearby relatives that they were also too busy to stop and notice that Cat was more moody than usual. New Year’s came and went – Cat spent it with Jenny, though by the time the bells came Jenny was fast asleep.

Overall the whole break from uni was good. Cat returned to her room in the Halls refreshed and felt her energy had been renewed, even if she was stressing about something that might be happening entirely in her mind. The first thing she did when she got back into her room was write down a note. She was feeling tired and felt that she was going to pass out soon. It had been a long journey, but she was also deliberately tiring herself out so that she could have these little moments. She missed the big house more than she missed her own.

Cat pondered carefully over the note. She had so many questions – so many that she had not dared to ask yet. If this person existed, what was their name? She was certain it was man… What did he do? Who was he? Where was he? Was it too soon to ask those questions? If this really was happening, then surely he would be going through the same questions and self-doubt that she was going through? No one would be able to accept this scenario without having questions and doubt about their sanity, surely?

Regardless, Cat decided that it was about time that someone asked these questions first. After a few minutes’ thought she decided which question she would like to ask first. Perhaps it was the most personal, but she thought knowing his name was the most important.

What is your name?

She wrote down on the notepad and put it on her desk in open view. Despite still being awake, her eyes and thoughts lingered on its reply for about half an hour afterwards, expecting an instant reply. But she had to be patient – she knew she had to be. In an attempt to distract herself, she unpacked some of her things and re-organised her drawers in preparation for the horrible amount of studying she would be doing in the next few weeks.
There was a knock on the door. Cat instantly fell silent. Whoever it was, she did not want to be disturbed. What if she went out and collapsed? Whoever entered her body would not be anywhere near the notepad? They would never see her question.
“Cat, you in there?”
It was Tom, one of her classmates. He had been interested in her for a few weeks now – despite her claims of being more interested in study than boys.
“Cat?” he knocked again.
A few seconds later a text came through on her phone. Cat sighed – she had to keep extra quiet.
“Cat? Are you in there?”
Cat sat on her bed as quietly as possible until he went away. It was sad. Tom was always wanting her to go out and do things – the pub, boating, walking, climbing trees and go to all sorts of clubs. Cat was just exhausted by the thought of all that. She laid her head back on the pillow. She smiled: the feeling was coming….

~ by S.G. Mark on September 21, 2012.

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